(Photo By: SmallTownPlanet)
I’m a firm believer in purchasing/renting the best sex toys you can get your hands on! Unfortunately sometimes people take something as mundane as a dildo and turn it into “art” We’re not sure who the market is for some of these products, but we are certain it takes a “special” kind of individual to purchase them.I like Etsy and I love dildos, so it only seemed natural to check them both out at the same time. Once I worked my way past the traditional glass, metal, silicon stuff and started to dig deeper, I was … gobsmacked. It’s not a word I get to use often, but definitely describes the jaw-dropping feeling I had when I ran across some of these things! One last thing. This article is neither meant to endorse or discourage purchasing any of the products, we’re simply lining them all up for ya…
Got Wood? (Photo By: ShouldWooda) |
I love getting wood as much as the next person, but there does seemto be something questionable about using a product so close to so many nerve endings and forget about using it anywhere “adventurous,” that is until I started reading the reviews. User Ms Liz wrote “Okay seriously. If you’re gonna buy wooden dildos, this is the man to get them from.”mzmedianth87 wrote “… It feels very smooth. I liked that it’s not too long nor too short.” Soundsthe the Goldilocks version of a dildo to me!Wouldya? Shouldya? Here’s the link |
The Jonah Hex Dildo (Photo By: dbDawg) |
We love the entire steampunk ethos, it’s from the future, no wait, it’s from the past. The truth is, this dildo seems to be a dildo for the ages. This dildo or is it a vibrator? operates off of a primitive Stirling Engine (look it up kids). The description actually reads “Open flame on this puppy, so not recommended for actual use. I take no responsibility for your stupidity or carelessness.”Well said!Interested in buying this collector’s piece? Here’s the link (and don’t be stupid) |
For The Ultimate Apple Fan (Photo By: Benjamin Woodyard) |
Were you in line for the first iPhone? Do you read Cult of Mac like it was your job!? Then perhaps this is the product for you! The dildo is, according to the artist, this dildo is one of “Ninety-nine porcelain casts of my penis.” and meant to “… serve as a sort of survey of patriarchy as viewed through pop culture icons. The range is wide, includingTupac, Jesus, Apple, Facebook, and Genghis Khan…” I’m not going within a mile of the Jesus dildo and have serious doubts about putting Steve Jobs anywhere near my lady parts. That being said, it is porcelain and only $39, so, maybe it’s the closest you’ll come to an Apple product for under a Benjamin!Want to be the coolest gal in the bedroom? Here’s the link |
Release The Kraken, in your pants, eh! (Photo By: Necronomicox) |
This piece is definitely like something out of my nightmares. The description states “EachNecronomicox toy is one-of-a-kind and comes with a certificate of authenticity.” Okay, it’s a collector’s item, check. It’s also made of silicon – also good. For the comic-con geek in your life? Maybe? Depends on how adventurous she is, and remember, if she’s really a collector, it may never make it out of the packaging! This sucker also ships from Canada, and you know they’re good folk, so what the hell…Ready to release? Here’s the link |
I’m Batman, Now Spread ’em (Photo By: SmallTownPlanet) |
Somehow I don’t think this dildo was officially licensed from DC. Call me crazy, but we don’t think Bob Kane thought they’re Caped Crusader would be making the people of Gotham safer by making them … Wait, I get it now! No partner, safer sex! It all makes sense!!! Maybe this was what the geniuses at DC Comics were thinking when theyoriginally created the character!Sonofabitch!Are you ready to have a thrilling adventure? Here’s the link |
